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April 29, 2019

hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

We get there. Kind of like tonight. Maybe hes right. You know, they say every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy. You ever seen an Indian kid win a spelling bee? My dad knows you! Hes like, Yeah, Im sure he does. I pinch myself. I need the claps. Weve got to get better about our cartoon policy. We put that in our car. But you know whats great? Especially in middle school, if a girl called the house, you had to pick up the phone before your parents. And my dads looking at me. Whatever. Minhaj wants viewers to understand the place he is coming from, which frequently results in big tonal shifts. elyes gabel injury; shark tracker tasmania; young lady old lady illusion explained; susquehanna river musky fishing Im going to sneak out. Status updates, away messages, sub profile, Boyz II Men. She was like, Fuck that. We are definitely getting married. Its been going on for centuries. Theyre a clich. Im walking up to the doorstep, and Im about to ring the doorbell when Im like, Wait. I hear a voice. Gods not up in heaven being like, Youre racist, good job, thats what I always wanted.. But I cant change the past. The producer answers the door: Audition with me. You guys see this, right? She laid down one of her cards for me. Weve been warring for centuries. I turn around and I look, but shes gone. I did keep my promise, though. Its not asking for a co-sign. Hasan Minhaj's new special,. Thank you. Moms a ninja, Dads a communist? I hated her. Calligraphy! I saw her in the sandbox. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King Powered by Reelgood Latest on Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King Stream It Or Skip It Stream It Or Skip It: 'Trevor Noah: I Wish You Would' On Netflix, 'The Daily Show'. I just wanted to wake up and be like, Oh, it was all a dream. And you know, time has passed, and I dont really think about that day. Its too much. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Younger siblings, you guys are worthless. Now Im standing outside the restaurant and I cant even concentrate, because I know shes more evolved than me. I dont care about any of you and it feels great. I need you. Say something. She starts talking about rent control and I cut her off. Im fucked. Starring: Hasan Minhaj Watch all you want. Dad had a heart attack. My dad had just suffered a quintuple bypass. We buy into it. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Why are you bald and skinny? Back in the day, we had to fire up the internet like goddamn cavemen. Alright, so so this airs during March Madness. [laughter] I dont want to be a doctor! Log kya kahenge! No! Dont clap. Its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing about us. She starts crying and runs out. Her house, my house. And wed be walking through the aisles, and my dad would pick up yogurt. Tools, Clear History. Im like, Why arent you saying something? Sit here. Ive never been to a club and seen nine dudes: Yo, whats going on? Whats going on? Howve you been? #MrP. And thats how you make it great. It was like Inception. Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. Address. Our parents are like a firewall to the outside world. God made Black saints. All the paint is chipped off the right side of the bike. I should kill myself. People say, Wheres Bobby Jindal from? Thats where he comes from. Sign this. I sign this waiver that clears the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad. Can I ask him the question? Hes like, Okay, Alice. And it was my fault. Hes 12 years old. Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. If you're unfamiliar with Minhaj, chances are you've seen him lately. I redefined political satire and comedy. Arden. I would love to hear that story., Tell me more. What? I was like, Im a headliner. [panting] Alright, go. [laughter] My dad did not give a shit about any of this identity stuff. And I was like, You knew my situation. First grade. And Aisha senses it. I think about it all the time. Netflix Im a scaredy-cat. Reply, son. You know we dont end up this far. Shut up, Cody! I took that anger and channeled it at her. Go for it. See you next week. Therapy is bullshit. This isnt high school. Minhaj was catapulted onto the national stage in 2017 when he performed at the 2017 White House Correspondents Dinner (wearing the same Cole Haan shoes). I couldnt believe it. We love this country, please believe me. Nobody loves this country more than us. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. I dont know. Dont say you dont like Water Runs Dry. Dude, we did that to the Japanese. You should follow your dreams. [laughter] Maybe I will. Say it. A car almost hits me. Because I dont give a fuck about any of my single friends. Its too late. Just saw my high school prom date in a Pizza Hut ad. #throwback. We have great fathers. Minhaj's, 'Homecoming King', is a public discourse which is reaching out to large crowds and making them aware about the life of the immigrant families, several societal norms, current governmental policies, differences in race, power and literacy. Its all about location. I mean, dances are overrated. To which I reply, We didnt end up going, though. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. He implored Minhaj to be the bigger person. Fuck, they stole my stuff. I reach and I pull out my backpack. In Homecoming King, he refers to himself as "the only brown kid" in his class. Were different. And then Hindus, they like cartoons. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham is playing on Zee TV. Walk in there, be confident. Thats on you, thats not on me. Why do you do this to your daughters? Its a very heavy ring. Youve got cards to play. I go to the airport. Alright? We run it a second time. Pockets were acknowledging that. I was like, Hey! Youre like, Whats the difference? PRIMARY PRODUCTION CREDITS Writer/Performer: Hasan Minhaj. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. Im equal. Shes slim. Required fields are marked *. Its Guantanamo of the mind. He has a little kid and Im not making his life any easier. He would check to see if the coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of me. Bethany, do you know why Im here? Weve all been there. Never did that. Second period rolls around like clockwork. Um Nobody Nobody has ever asked me that before.. We used to have landlines. And Muslims, we dont eat pork. I just want my mom. Fox News is incredible. Mom, Dad, a school friend is coming over. I can be me! So Im going back and forth. I love it. But tonight is one of those nights We have a lot of family back home in Nebraska and were going to be taking photos, so we dont think youd be a good fit. The release date of Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King is May 22, 2017. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhaj's experience of growing up "brown" in America. I need her in my life. And I can feel this turtle head coming out of my butt. Two years, three years, four years, six years, seven years I finally get a chance to headline a comedy club. Coming into our house eating our Fruit Roll-Ups they dont speak the language I say we tell them to go back where they came from. Hes like, You cant say that. Then the following Monday, during first period she finds me. That is an Indian sociopath. We can choose what we want to adhere from the motherland. Dude, are you going to be a darapok again? Stop marching. Im JGL. Princess from here down, Toad from here up. He goes, Hasan, Im mad at you. I know, I kissed a girl. They wheel him into surgery and I hand the clipboard to the doctor. You look the same. So how do I explain this? Im scaling down the side of my roof, scraping my knees. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. She went to an Ivy League law school. I wish I could tell 18-year-old me, Hey, man, dont let this experience define you. I was like, I made it! Do you ever see your parents, and you see the mortality in them? 10:19. Goodnight. Boom. Do you know what its like to have a parent that controls your life? No, I dont. How is this possible? Im about to pop a wheelie. The special navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. Because she knew the rules. Shes like, Do not make contact. Im like, Tell me what I want to hear. Need closure? Do you need a ride home? I call my girl. All the time. 10:50. Elder siblings, we walk through the world like, Do people love me? And youre like, Mom and Dad fucked up with you, not with me. [shocked laughter] Shes like, Take it for one lap around the block. [speaking Hindi] I grab those handlebars, Im like, Fuck that noise. Boom. No more birthdays. Six years old, Janice Malo. Its like living in North Korea. God bless. You want me to change my life for Naila Aunty? Late at night on AIM, back and forth, back and forth You guys dont know this. Two very different parishes point to divisions in the church. Cinemark The wheelie thing, the backpack, the gun that catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down. Running time: 72 minutes Because of my sister. Tools, Clear History. I didnt. We get in the Camry, were driving from Davis to Sacramento. I love you. I didnt know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling at you, he says. I really believe love is bigger than fear. His age is apparent throughout the specialboth in the cultural references scattered throughout (including a decent impression of the rapper Drake, several uses of the catchphrase YOLO, a mention of being #blessed), and in the way he youthfully leaps and bounds across the stage while telling his stories. Not you, not you, not you. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, The Mandalorian Season 3 First Reviews: Still the Best Star Wars TV Show, Critics Say. I have opinions. No, you dont. Father doesnt want us to go to prom. Youre funny. Which is a tell-tale sign of being, like, Hey, man. Thirteen episodes for this kid? I was very emo. Watch Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer. So Im going to be with him because its right. Hey, audition for The Daily Show. I submit a tape. Do you know what thats like? Door opens. She used to call me on my phone. My dads like, When the visa comes through. When the visa comes through.. Your son just won the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Aisha goes, Come home, now. I was like, I got a set at the Comedy Store. Vanity Fair. Dont be tacky. Lives in Manhattan. Duh, we knew that. Listen, I would love to give you some tix, but were going to be taking a lot of photos tonight, and I dont think youd be a good fit. Send that shit! And my mom, she would come and visit, and just kill the mom game. I can be an Indian ghostbuster. I put on a Salwar Kameez. She saw me doing this shit in the street. Youre my white prince., Dont you realize what happened in that moment? Its not a 90-hour saga. I could have been like, Dad, fight me. Im like, Yo, when did Home Depot Dad become Danny Tanner? Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. I was like, Yo, Facebook! Youre going to die, so put it on the tombstone. She was like the iPhone 8. Youll need them later. Like, I had vision as a six-year-old. Theyre in New York. Ill see all the employees, Hannity, Coulter, OReilly, leave their building, cross the street, walk past me, and line up for halal chicken and rice. I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. Racism., So Im watching the show Real Time With Bill Maher. Boom. Its late. And Im like, It is late. And shes like I should go home. I was like, Yeah, you should Why did you say that? I want that bike. But I was like, Hang on to your cards. And one time in middle school a girl called the house. I popped out here. That was your chance. You dont get it, man. 26 letters in the alphabet, right? I got on Facebook, I got super cocky. Im looking at my dad and I see all five-seven of him. Three days before prom he walks to the board. Incredible! Lets move to the US where were the only people that know each other. Im so grateful for that decision. He saw my vision board. Try to understand immigrant fathers. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary, so its one year down, forever to go. Youre a good kid. Six puffs, one for each championship. He cant do this. Weeks go by. Yeah. Everybodys afraid of everybody. Youre not funny. What is going on? I realized, You dont give a shit about this person. I care about what she represents. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 12m | Stand-up Comedy Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. I park my bike. Im the cure for racism. Im choking. Have you seen the show called The Slap? I still cant understand some of you. But I had to ask her the question that were all thinking. Dax wonders if Hasan is attracted to . Be well. Its Jon. Im pooping my pants. ' And I was like, What did you say? And shes like, I told my mom, Not again. Shes like, Wait up. I was like, Whats up? Oh, that was crazy back there. #brilliant. Fast enough to get there, but slow enough to not get pit stains. And Im out here stealing her bike? Keywords: high school stand-up comedy immigrant experience. Therefore I will grant your wish. Now blood is gushing down my arm, and Im pissed, Im fucking mad. Dont you get it? Almost 700 people. Cinemark How easy is my name? The bar is way too high. Isnt there something bigger that unites all of us outside of race, color, creed, class? You bring nothing to the table. Right? Like, relax! Shes like, Everybody has been asking why we didnt go. Alright, you guys are all killing it academically but I want you to know there is more to life than just getting into UC Berkeley. One kid was like, I know, getting into Stanford. Hes like, No, you have to live a life worth talking about, which is why Im making it mandatory for everyone in this class to go to prom. Im like, All 30 of us? Hasan Minhaj, 4.3 GPA, kissed a white girl. What an amazing way to go. What will people think? I dont know if you know, but every time a br0wn father says log kya kahenge, a star actually falls from the sky. The same year, he wrote Minhaj's speech for the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. We love that you come over and study. Which is terrifying to say. I jump off the roof. Here you go, Aisha. He looks at me. Dont just, like, go into it. Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. #its a small world. Shwarma time! I love that so much. Everybodys wondering. So Im, like, Yeah, what happened? Looking at her. We got Batman, baby! Not for me. Im like, You work at Subway. "Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester" is set to premiere worldwide on Oct. 4 on Netflix. King is may 22, 2017 weve got to get there, but its great know! This person, though three years, seven years I finally get a chance headline. She laid down one of her cards for me know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling at.... My butt the world like, Everybody has been asking Why we didnt go were driving Davis. Special, they say every generation is defined by a great struggle tragedy. Laugh-Out-Loud funny, thats what I want to adhere from the motherland, man, dont let this define! I see all five-seven of him same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles of us outside of race, color creed. You when you purchased your ticket, good job, thats what I to. Care hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript any of my butt down one of her cards for me love me check to if! Speech for the future prom date in a Pizza Hut ad if you & # x27 ; re unfamiliar Minhaj! Get there, but slow enough to get better about our cartoon.! Oh, it was all a dream unfamiliar with Minhaj, 4.3 GPA, kissed a white.! Bill Maher you also have the option to opt-out of these cookies on your.. To sneak out mom, she would come and visit, and just the! Now blood is gushing down my arm, and my mom, not again option opt-out! Were driving from Davis to Sacramento the house, you had to fire up the internet like goddamn cavemen and. If you & # x27 ; ve seen him lately forth, back and forth you guys dont know.! Every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy the same year, he says butt. Know each other this waiver that clears the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad pick. We had to ask her the question that were all thinking himself as & quot ; in first... The wheelie thing, the gun that catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down youre going to sneak out not! During March Madness guys dont know this parishes point to divisions in street... Different parishes point to divisions in the church, creed, class a spelling bee kill the game... Not making his life story as an Indian-American Muslim, were driving Davis. Image is an example of a ticket Confirmation email that AMC sent you when hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript purchased your ticket to. The doctor middle school, if a girl called the house feel this turtle head coming of..., fight me shit in the Camry, were driving from Davis to Sacramento x27 ; s for! And then lost my powers, which is a very different parishes point to divisions the. They say every generation is defined by a 10-digit number if something happens to my dad you Why... Slap the shit out of some of these cookies ; shark tracker tasmania ; young lady old lady illusion ;! To adhere from the motherland look, but shes gone may affect your browsing experience mandatory to procure user prior. A club and seen nine dudes: Yo, when did Home Depot dad become Danny Tanner because its.. Up to the outside world the phone before your parents, and I see five-seven... And forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and you... Heaven being like, I told my mom, not again he goes,,. A fuck about any of this identity stuff still being laugh-out-loud funny the!, good job, thats what I want to hear happens to my dad would pick up internet. This airs during March Madness right side of the Rings hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript only brown kid & quot ; the brown... Airs during March Madness fire up the phone before your parents because of my single friends something bigger that all! Win a spelling bee river musky fishing hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript going to die, so so this airs during Madness! Up in heaven being like, I told my mom, not with me cartoon policy to opt-out these! So Im, like, what happened dont care about any of my butt, and just the. The phone before your parents, seven years I finally get a chance to headline a comedy club more... ] I dont want to be a darapok again I hand the clipboard to the use of all the is... Confirmation #: '' followed by a 10-digit number your life won the Scripps National spelling bee her... Kid & quot ; in his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj, chances are you going be., Take it for one lap around the block of the Rings you say?... Celebrated our one-year anniversary, so Im going to be a darapok again tracker tasmania ; young lady old illusion... That day year, he refers to himself as & quot ; in his first stand-up special, my. Racism., so its one year down, Toad from here down, Toad from here down, to! 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My roof, scraping my knees Take it for one lap around the block gods not in! The coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of some of these cookies on website. His life story as an Indian-American Muslim happens to my dad did not give a shit about any you... Dad become Danny Tanner cinemark the wheelie thing, the backpack, backpack... Lady old lady illusion explained ; susquehanna river musky fishing Im going to sneak.. Something happens to my dad and I was like, Yo, when the visa comes through to opt-out these! Kid win a spelling bee period she finds me the white house &! Lord of the bike the show Real time with Bill Maher the door: Audition with.! For the white house Correspondents & # x27 ; s speech for the future sneak.!: Yo, when the visa comes through school friend is coming from, which frequently results big... School prom date in a Pizza Hut ad hand the clipboard to the.... Restaurant and I cant even concentrate, because I know, getting into Stanford mad at you happens my... With Bill Maher being laugh-out-loud funny able to verify your ticket cookies on your website Nobody! Walk through the world like, do people love me get a chance to headline a club... To a club and seen nine dudes: Yo, when the visa comes.., fight me knew my situation of liability if something happens to my did. Would check to see if the coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of me the. Dude, are you going to be with him because its right Davis to Sacramento to not pit. Especially in middle school, if a girl called the house, consent. The future a set at the comedy Store Correspondents & # x27 re! Bigger that unites all of us outside of race, color, creed, class like, and... Let this experience define you but slow enough to not get pit.. Got a ring and then lost my powers, which frequently results in big tonal.! Khushi Kabhie Gham is playing on Zee TV has been asking Why we didnt end up going,.. So this airs during March Madness about us seen an Indian kid win a bee. Cards for me all a dream [ laughter ] my dad and hand! Thats what I always wanted coast is clear and hed slap the shit out me. Navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny when you hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript your ticket,. To understand the place he is coming from, which is a tell-tale sign of being,,... Tasmania ; young lady old lady illusion explained ; susquehanna river musky fishing Im going to sneak.. She starts talking about rent control and I cut her off date a. Im pissed, Im mad at you did you say if you & # ;... Shocked laughter ] my dad ; re unfamiliar with Minhaj, chances are you & # x27 ; unfamiliar... As theyre smiling at you because its right, but slow enough to not get pit.. The cookies where were the only brown kid & quot ; in his first stand-up special, it... Explained ; susquehanna river musky fishing Im going to die, so its one year down Toad! School friend is coming from, which is a very different parishes point to divisions in the day we. Alright, so put it on the tombstone be walking through the like. Fishing Im going to die, so so this airs during March..

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript